lovely person & astaghfirullah by Laila Nawsheen
CONTENT WARNING: these poems are sexually explicit. They contain references to kink, power roles in relationships, masturbation, and sexual shame/guilt.
lovely person
a month after I left my ex
I brought home a guy
to the place I shared
with you on Parramatta Road.
boy was some 24-year-old
feeding me all week
tepid, rehearsed lines,
putting on his best
I'm-your-daddy vibes:
“send a photo of what you're wearing to daddy”
“drop your pencil and get on your knees for daddy”
you smacked him upside the head
for his stupid haircut
sat him at the kitchen table
grilled him “what's your MO?
Tell me about your parents.”
boy looked to me
eyes timorous and hangdog
waiting for me to assuage him
say “you're not in trouble.”
“She is a lovely person!”
you barked at him, met the bulldog in you
spitting questions like bullets,
why him? is what you were really asking
never forget the way your eyes went wide
when the boy stuttered out
'cause he posted online
saying he had weed
the look you gave me, surprised
met the slut in me for the first time
like a part of you already suspected
boy did everything you demanded
didn't lie once.
poured myself some wine
gave the boy some water
just watching you, grinning
most fun I've had all month.
astaghfirullah
those days her bedroom stunk
of stale ashtray
and compulsive masturbation
supine on her bed
imbibe insipid paperbacks
wade through endless content
on this and that porn site
search for a clip to scratch an itch
something base and specific
evolved over the years and in the course
of feeding it
the despondence that consumed her
closing tabs like How disgusting,
the thin, substrate of Muslim-guilt
congealing beneath her skin
watching older men
forcing younger girls
touching herself
smack her 'til she goes soft and pink
the buoyancy of a tight, virginal arse
bounce bounce bounce with each hit
a seasoned tongue runs precise
over the pucker of a teenage sphincter
the aftercare, tender
punished as she's due
'cause her daddy loves her
it's for her own good
then she comes
and all she can smell is sweat, vag, cigarettes
and she hates herself all over again.
Laila is not on social media but you can email her at l.nawsheen@gmail.com.
Executive Producers
Daniel Henson
Sue White
