Leftovers by Adara Enthaler
I see the hope in your eyes
and the promise of a lie
in your outstretched arms
as you stand in my doorway,
reaching out to smother the memory of your last visit.
Your eyes tell me why you came
since you won’t say it with that mouth
that used to whisper only love.
You want me to take you gently in my arms
and say that I forgive you.
You want the damage of your words to fall to the floor
with my clothes
You wish for no consequences
from a woman you destroyed from the inside out.
Take your dollar’s worth of pity
and carry it back out the door you came through.
There is no ideal time for your guilt
to come knocking down the house
I can’t take it from you
it weighs more in my hands than yours.
You’re not a gaseous state trapped in solid form
there is no method
of matter transferral
that will allow you to escape
this skin prison you moulded for yourself.
So take your fistfuls of insincerity
and let it weigh you down to the floor.
Prostrate yourself in apology and shame
so thick I won’t notice
you regret nothing.
I cut out my heart
from where it had dropped
two inches below my ribs
and left it on your pillow
as if to say
‘look at the mess you’ve made’.
But you never rolled over to see it.
I put it in a plastic container in the fridge
In case you wanted it later.
You once told me you’d take a bullet for me
but we don’t have a lot of guns around here.
You told me you’d die for me
But you killed me slowly.
Don’t tell me what violence you’d commit for me
Tell me you’ll be on time.
Tell me it’s not my fault
Tell me you’ll never make me cry.
Keep your whispered sweet nothings
and tell me loudly
some savoury everythings
don’t spin me any sugar
serve me up some thick juicy honesty
with a well-seasoned side of trying really hard.
Your sweet nothings will always leave me hungry
I can’t sustain this big soft body on nothings.
You’d have me starved down whisper-thin
walking around on shaky promises.
You told me you wished
I’d run and leap into your arms when I saw you
As if my lack of romantic spontaneity
was the root of all our problems.
But the truth is, I’ve never been one for running
it shatters my shins and drives splinters into my lungs.
and even before the end
I knew you weren’t strong enough to catch me.